“Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.”
— Marcel Proust
We all enjoy being around people who make us feel good, don’t we?
Charming people is all about making them feel appreciated and valued. And while the majority of our world is used to being egoistic and focusing on themselves, being compassionate and fascinating people by caring for them is actually quite simple.
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Especially when meeting new people, the first few moments of a conversation are critical as they often define the whole relationship with a person. We’ve all been in a situation where we met a new person and instantly felt a deep connection, right? And we all also know these weird conversations with a stranger when all we want to do is finding a good reason to finally leave the place.
We all like being taken care of and feel appreciated. And as most people focus on themselves instead of caring for their conversation partners, you have a great chance of standing out from the crowd by following these three simple rules in any given conversation, especially with strangers.
The probability that you’re one of the many people saying “I’m bad with names.” is pretty high. That’s a pretty ordinary lie people across the whole globe are telling themselves and others whenever they forget names.
Yet, the reality is that none of us is bad with names, we just don’t care about them. When we meet somebody new, their name is mostly not interesting enough to remember.
That’s why we are so surprised if someone actually does remember our name and why it makes us feel special. It just doesn’t happen that often.
So if you are the one to remember people’s names instead of saying, “Sorry, what was your name again?” you’ll stand out from the crowd and charm your new contacts right away.
Remembering people’s names will make building deep relationships much easier right from the beginning and help you to charm your new acquaintance instantly.
As Dale Carnegie once said:
“A person’s name is to that person, the sweetest, most important sound in any language.”
We all appreciate being called by our names, and if it’s someone whom we don’t know for too long, we are even more impressed when our name is recalled.
How to do it:
One way to ensure you remember the name of a new contact is to repeat it right after you hear it for the first time. In a typical conversation, that would look somewhat like this:
When I say: ,,Hi,my name is Sinem’’
You could answer: ,,Hi Sinem, nice to meet you.’’
By doing so, you already make great progress in remembering the name, especially if it’s a name that’s new to you and not too common.
Other than that, also make sure to leave the conversation by recalling their name, for example, by saying something like: “Goodbye Sinem, it was nice to meet you.”
Again: We love the sound of our own name. Thus, you might increase your likeability by merely pronouncing the name of your conversation partner.
Remembering people’s names is a quick and easy way to show appreciation and strengthen your relationship with everyone.
Spread positive energy
We all have to deal with lots of negative experiences every day. And the world, in general, is full of pessimism and bad news anyway. In fact, negativity is so usual that most people are used to weak conversations about all the misery in the world even though we all know that these talks don’t make us happier or our lives better.
We’re used to talking about all the awful happenings, but is it really what we want to talk about? Not really.
We just keep having conversations about the lousy weather, politics, and misery because we don’t know what else to talk about.
But what if you knew what else to talk about?
And what if these new topics and conversations were positive and uplifting instead of frustrating?
Well, if so, you’d not only be remembered by people for your good vibes, but you’d literally impact people’s lives positively.
As Carl W. Buehner once stated:
“They may forget what you said — but they will never forget how you made them feel.”
At the end of the day, we might not remember what someone precisely said, but we surely remember how they made us feel. And if you manage to be a person who makes others feel good and positive, you’ll charm them right away.
The best thing to do is trying to make people feel great, bringing joy into the conversation and being a sparkle of good energy in one’s day.
How to do it:
Instead of having conversations about the topics everyone is talking about anyway, be prepared for positive, uplifting communication.
Before joining an event, meeting, or a family dinner, spend a few mindful moments to come up with some positive news and ideas you want to spread.
You might talk about a new great movie you watched lately, share a charity project you heard about, or compliment people for their looks, their latest achievements, or anything else that catches your attention.
If you pay close attention, you’ll find tons of beautiful, positive things to talk about. It’s all a matter of perspective and the more you focus on the good, the more good you’ll perceive.
Listening to people is so banal, yet so powerful.
People love to talk. We all do, but nobody likes to listen, which is quite a problem in today’s society. We all feel as if we have something to say.
We want to share our ideas, how we feel, what we desire, and what great things we accomplished, yet nobody seems to be willing to listen properly.
Sometimes, all we need to recover from a bad relationship or a failure is talking to someone willing to listen without coming up with ideas for improvement.
As Stephen Covey once stated:
“People don’t listen to understand. They listen to reply. The collective monologue is everyone talking and no one listening.”
That’s precisely why being quiet and letting people share their ideas and feelings is such a powerful act.
We all like to tell everyone how awesome we are and what great things we do. But this rather harms our relationships than strengthening them. Instead of talking so much, what we should do is practicing self-reflection and understanding ourselves better so that we can also mindfully listen to others’ problems and ideas once they want to share them.
How to do it:
Brené Brown once said:
“Be as passionate about listening as you are about wanting to be heard.”
And I sincerely believe that’s the ultimate key to better, more nourishing relationships in our lives.
We’re all so used to talking about ourselves that we often miss out on taking care of our fellows even though listening is so simple.
Let others play the ego game and talk about themselves. Don’t bother too much about what anyone might think about you. Instead, focus on being the best listener in the room. By focusing on what others want to share instead of talking yourself, you’ll learn much more about yourself and the world anyway.
Because as the Dalai Lama once shared:
“When you talk, you are only repeating what you already know. But if you listen, you may learn something new.”
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