I am 22 years old, so I really struggled with how to name this article. I wasn’t sure if “I wish I quitted years ago” sounds too dramatic, but I decided to stick with it.
I guess it doesn’t matter if you start working on your personal growth at the age of 18 or 58. What matters is that you find a path that fits your needs and feels right.
I initially came into touch with personal development at the age of 19. Since then, I didn’t do much else but learning, putting my learnings into action and helping other young people to grow into their full potential.
Even though I am grateful I discovered personal growth and self-improvement at such a young age, I hope I had improved certain qualities much quicker. If I had let go of the following habits a few years earlier, I am sure I could’ve enjoyed many more happy, joyful moments in life.
And I know I am not alone. Through my work as a trainer and coach, I figured out these are some draining habits many of us share. However, we can effectively let them go and even replace them with positive routines.
Overthinking
Not too long ago, I would consider myself the greatest overthinker I personally know.
I love certainty, and I love knowing that things are planned appropriately.
However, I had to learn that’s not always possible.
Sometimes, sticking to certainty and security even cost more energy than going with the flow and letting things happen.
“Thinking too much leads to paralysis by analysis. It’s important to think things through, but many use thinking as a means of avoiding action.”
– Robert Herjavek
I had to learn to trust in the universe and live with the flow, and I can gratefully report: It’s more fun.
Overthinking and overcomplicating are widespread mistakes most of us make our whole lives long. Yet, by letting go, we can experience pure joy.
I learned how overthinking actually doesn’t make things better or easier at all.
If there’s a problem that can’t be solved, thinking about it won’t make it any better. On the contrary, it costs you valuable energy that you could otherwise invest into another action.
I thought by trying to understand any possible option and thinking through all scenarios, I’d ensure security and not make many mistakes. Yet, the harsh reality is the contrary.
My overthinking held me back from taking action and making changes. As I was so busy thinking, I didn’t do anything.
I am genuinely proud of having shifted from overthinking into being a person who loves taking action and making mistakes.
The fact is we can’t avoid mistakes and failures anyway. So it’s better to make them quickly, take lessons, and keep going. Or as Martin Luther King Jr. put it:
“You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.”
Now, whenever I find myself overthinking, I stop for a minute and take a deep breath. I reflect on the situation, and I ask myself if there’s really something to be concerned about. Most of the time, the answer is no. This helps me to calm down, focus on the positive, and raise my energy.
Fearing change
I used to hate changes. Every time significant changes approached, I got insecure and started overthinking about everything that could possibly go wrong.
Even though I was always dreaming big, I didn’t welcome unexpected developments. I felt as if changes would lead to instability and a lack of control.
However, at some point, I realized I couldn’t create the life of my dreams without significant changes.
We experience changes every day. It’s totally normal, but sometimes we still fear losing control.
Wouldn’t it be much nicer to find joy in the unknown?
That’s what I am currently practicing. Every time a new possibility arises, I get excited about all the things that could go well instead of fearing what could go wrong.
Any change in our lives is a new opportunity. And most of the time, we can’t fight against it anyway, so embracing the development is the smartest decision.
“Your life doesn’t get better by chance. It gets better by change.”
— Jim Rohn
Living in the past
This is one of the most common mistakes we make throughout most of our lives: We hold on to the past, overthink mistakes we made and keep worrying about situations that we can’t change anyway.
“The longer you live in the past, the less future you have to enjoy.”
I was constantly worrying about the past. When I finally decided to let go and focus on the present moment, my whole life changed.
Being in the present moment is actually the only way we can be truly happy and satisfied. Neither worrying about the future nor living in the past will make us happy.
All we have is the now, the present moment is the only one we can actively change for the better.
“In today’s rush, we all think too much — seek too much — want too much — and forget about the joy of just being.”
— Eckhart Tolle
Meditating can be a great way to focus your mind on the present moment and let go of the past. By sitting still and focusing your thoughts on your breath, you align yourself with the present moment and let go of all the fear from the past or the future.
Self-doubt
I wish being confident would be taught at schools.
Nothing can hold back a person who is believing in himself and his abilities. And as the world is full of negative people trying to tear us down, we need to believe in ourselves and be our own biggest supporter.
If I hadn’t doubted myself so many times until now, I would have achieved so much more of my goals.
“Whenever you find yourself doubting how far you can go, just remember how far you have come. Remember everything you have faced, all the battles you have won, and all the fears you have overcome.”
Most of the time, we even let others take control of our lives. We get too attached to what other people might say or think about us instead of just taking action and living our wildest dreams. We let other people define our self-worth even though they might not know us at all.
In my experience, the greatest cures against self-doubt are self-reflection and self-care.
To be highly productive and full of joy, you need to take care of yourself. And you need to know yourself very well. Only if you regularly reflect on your strengths, weaknesses, fears, opportunities, and desires, you can ensure you live a life that is entirely yours. Without regular self-reflection, you might be wandering around, working on goals that actually don’t excite you at all.
Trying to please everyone
Last but definitely not least: The desire to please everyone.
If I’ll one day have children, “Don’t be a people pleaser.” is undoubtedly going to be one of the lessons I will teach them early on.
In her book, “Top Five Regrets Of The Dying”, Bronnie Ware summarized the life lessons of people who were close to death.
And one of the top five regrets most of the people mentioned is the following:
I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
As humans, we need other people around us to be happy and fulfilled. Studies even show how loneliness and social isolation can lead to premature death.
However, this doesn’t mean you should go after people and give your best to please them just to ensure you don’t end up being alone.
On the contrary, you are the only one who will have to face your decisions and mistakes. Others won’t care whether you lived a successful life or not.
Don’t be a people pleaser.
Those who really care about you want you to be happy anyway.
Focus your energy on the people who do you good and want the best for you. Get rid of anyone who brings more negativity than joy into your life.
There are so many people who would appreciate you, your desires, and everything you have to share. Go find them and surround yourself with those who empower you.
“Don’t be afraid of losing people. Be afraid of losing yourself by trying to please everyone around you.”